I’m almost there. Right now I’m in North Manchester taking a few rest days at Manchester college while I visit some friends. That means that I only have 55.1 miles left to walk before I step foot in Middlebury. I only have four walking days left, putting me walking into my home on Sunday the 30th just in time to wash up for supper. The craziest part to me is knowing that out of those four walking days left there will only be one night that I won’t be staying with someone I know. Only one more night of going door to door asking for help.A question I often get from the folks that I talk to about my walk is, “are you ever scared?” The answer to that question is yes. Every day. But it’s not in the way that I feel that question is referring to. I learned pretty quickly that I didn’t need to be scared for my safety. Not once during this trip did I feel like my well-being was in jeopardy. Not even with the man with the gun did I feel like my life was in question, although it was freaky.

The fear I feel every day, every time I go up to a door, isn’t a fear of being hurt. It’s a fear of rejection. I understand why people say no, but that doesn’t change the fact that it stings every time. It is deeply painful to make yourself completely vulnerable to someone only to be turned away. Every time I go up to a door I am deeply terrified. It’s no easier now then it was when I started a month and a half ago.
I don’t think I will ever get over being scared of rejection, but I’ve been realizing that it’s not about not feeling fear. It’s about how I respond to that fear. Will I let this fear of having my vulnerability turned away stop me from being vulnerable. It doesn’t stop my God. God is the purest form of vulnerability and nakedness there is. The God that is Love puts that Love within each beautiful creation without asking if we will be responsible with that Love.
Every time we reject that Love or make even the littlest decision not based on Love we slam the door on God. I can’t even imagine the amount of pain I have caused God because God is that pure, vulnerable, naked love within me that I constantly choose to ignore and reject. But God doesn’t stop knocking. That pure and awesome Love is always within me no matter how many times I slam the door in its face. God doesn’t stop being vulnerable to us, so why should we stop being vulnerable to each other? Being truly vulnerable to each other is the only way community can work. The only way God’s kingdom can unfold. Even if it means going beyond our fear of being uncomfortable, our fear of being taken advantage of, or our fear of doing things wrong.